Quick answer: Pros and cons in DBT is a four-cell table: the pros and cons of acting on an urge, and the pros and cons of resisting it, each split into short term and long term. It does not make the decision for you. It makes the trade-off visible while the urge is shouting, so the choice is not made on impulse alone.
Why four cells instead of a list?
Most people, mid-urge, can list the reasons not to act. The urge still wins, because the short-term benefits of acting are real and usually unspoken: relief, discharge, revenge, sleep, the end of the argument.
Naming those benefits does two things. It makes the table honest, and it shows that the urge is arguing from the short-term column. That is often enough to create a pause.
| Short term | Long term | |
|---|---|---|
| Act on the urge | Relief, discharge, control, the end of tension | Consequences, reinforcement of the habit, repair work |
| Resist the urge | Discomfort, effort, continued tension | Self-respect, options, evidence that the urge passes |
How do you do it?
- Name the urge and the action. “Urge to resign” is clearer than “urge to escape”.
- Draw the four cells. Paper is better than memory; the urge edits memory.
- Fill it honestly, including the relief column. A table with no short-term pros is a fantasy.
- Notice which column the urge is arguing from. It is almost always short-term.
- Ask what Wise Mind says, not what would prove you right.
- Choose. If you are still torn, choose the smallest reversible option.
An example: resigning after a bad meeting
A meeting goes badly and you want to send your notice tonight.
- Act — short term: relief, control, the pleasure of making them suffer.
- Act — long term: no income, no reference, a decision made in an hour that shapes a year.
- Resist — short term: anger with nowhere to go, the indignity of staying.
- Resist — long term: options, a planned exit, a reference, time to find something else.
The table does not say “never resign”. It says tonight is the wrong hour. The action becomes: update the CV, talk to one person, set a date to decide.
An example: an urge to self-harm
If the urge involves harming yourself, a worksheet is not enough on its own. Contact local crisis support, tell someone you trust, and use emergency services if you are in immediate danger.
Pros and cons can still help alongside support: acting brings short-term relief and long-term harm; resisting brings short-term intensity and long-term safety. The point is to get through the peak with support, not to manage alone with a table.
Common mistakes
- Only filling the “resist” side. The table becomes a lecture, and lectures do not survive urges.
- Ignoring short-term relief. Pretending there is no benefit makes the skill feel dishonest.
- Using it to ruminate. Ten minutes, not an evening. If you are going in circles, use STOP or TIPP first.
- Treating the longer list as the answer. The skill clarifies; it does not vote.
- Doing it at peak arousal. At 100 out of 100, use a body skill first, then the table.
Frequently asked questions
Is this the same as a cost-benefit analysis?
It is similar in shape but different in use. DBT’s version is deliberately quick, designed for the middle of an urge, and treats resisting as an active option rather than a default.
What if both options look bad?
That is useful information. It usually means the situation needs support or a change of plan, not a perfect option. Choose the least harmful reversible step and revisit it when you are calmer.
When should I use it?
After STOP or TIPP, when arousal is low enough to think, and before any decision with consequences: sending, quitting, drinking, spending, ending a relationship.